Spare the rod, waste a good stick

A few years ago, the story was told, that an American boy, living in Singapore, was caught keying cars. There is no such thing as little crimes in Singapore. He was tried, found guilty, and sentenced to caning. An out cry from the U.S. could be heard around the world, except for in Singapore. The crime rate is so low that people feel safe there, second only to Tokyo. Their surveillance, strict laws and swift discipline has curbed the crime rate drastically. The west, however, has seen crime increase and speedy trials decrease. 

Caning is not new or foreign. The principle of slapping nuckles is the same. In fact my own experience with American caning taught me some valuable lessons. In the third grade spelling was difficult for me, and often I had to take my failing marks home to be signed by my parents. My brothers, to my surprise, were willing to help. They showed me a fool proof way to forge my mom’s name. Well, fool proof to a third grader. My third grade teacher saw right through it, and my lie received three wacks with the school paddle (Remember the good ole days). Did it work? Ask my ninth grade teacher (that’s right 9th grade). I am not advocating any form of discipline at this point, but I think my generation swung the pendulum too far the other way. What does Proverbs have to tell us?

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him...Have I not written for you thirty sayings of counsel and knowledge, to make you know what is right and true...Words of the Wise Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge...Do you see a man skillful in his work? 

Everyone craves three things, even our children: 1. A spiritual experience, 2. Loving relationships, and 3. Purpose.  But sin has warped every good thing and turned us toward selfishness and self interest. That’s why we don’t need to teach our children to be bad, only to be good, and there are only three things you need to accomplish good parenting. Are you ready? 1. Loving, 2. Consistent, 3. Discipline, grounded in God’s word. 

We teach our children that God loves them, but they experience that love through us. The greatest gift parents can give their children is to love each other with all their hearts. Sin tells us that children are resilient and weather their parents’ divorce, that it is better for everyone if spouses split. Homes are better without abusive parents, but that isn’t what I’m getting at. Before you have children, while you have children, and after your children are gone, your primary relationship is with your spouse. If you love one another you will not have a problem loving your children, and they will not have a problem loving God. Read Ephesians 5:22.

Consistency is a challenge when it comes to disciplining our children, for two reasons. First, those little faces are so adorable who could ever discipline them. Secondly, they are the biggest terrors to walk the face of the earth and you will do anything to shut them up (deep breath). Yet, children thrive under consistency, because then they know what to expect. They will try you, they will conjole you to get what they want, but in the end their little psyches need parents who are strong and loving, not wish washy friends.

Discipline is often confused with punishment. Discipline can be harsh or soft depending on the situation, but discipline is always for the child’s benefit. Discipline is a military word that focuses on performing the same task over and over until the soldier acquires the necessary skill. It is the same with children, they learn early that good behavior is rewarded and poor behavior inolves pain. The reward part is easy, so let’s talk about pain. In early childhood it is important that defiance receives the harshest discipline, but other acts of disobedience should have discipline that fits the offense. 

If I asked my son to not touched something he is not suppose to touch, he was sternly told no, and engaged in another activity. If he went back to the object the discipline was repeated. If he did it a third time his hand was flicked. If he did it again his hand was flicked. If he did it again he was spanked. Each time the severity grew and applied consistently. After each flick or spanking his offense and punishment was explained with a hug, reassuring him of our love. As my boys grew older the same process was repeated with age appropriate discipline and punishment. By the time they were teenagers we had gained their respect, they knew what to expect, and our love for them was unquestioned. 

We failed often, but those were teaching times when we would confess our own sin, apologize, and asked them for forgiveness. There were tense moments and tender moments, but over all, if you are loving, consistent, and disciplined, your children will grow up in the way they should go. This is nothing new, it is how God treats us. 

Tomorrow will be “sex, drugs, and rock and roll.”  I’m just saying.