Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

Some people are afraid to press the link. We can’t talk about this at home, but the internet, anything goes? Of course that was the slogan, “anything goes,” of the sixties. Lax discipline, free love, and a morality based on the desires of the flesh. It was suppose to usher in an era of enlightenment, as drug induced experiences elevated us into a new plain of existence. How did that go for them? I rode the waves of the hippie generation, in but not really of it. Not involved in drugs but definitely living for self. 

God reflects His character in us. We are the image barrier of God, but sin has marred that image, and telling children what not to do is insufficient. Parents not only need to teach, but to model God’s image in them. Proverbs tells us, 

A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches...The prudent sees danger and hides himself...The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life...Thorns and snares are in the way of the crooked; whoever guards his soul will keep far from them...Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out...He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend...The sluggard says, “There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!” The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit...to make you know what is right and true, that you may give a true answer to those who sent you...Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings.

A name says everything about a person; his character, his reputation, and his trustworthiness. A man with a good name:

1. Cares about his conduct before God and others.
2. Humbles himself before others because he fears the Lord
3. Is On guard against the a perverse and crooked generation whose attitude is negative and complaining.
4. Is pure in heart and has a grateful attitude. 
5. Works hard and learns a trade to better himself and the people around him.

“Son, remember you’re a Perkins.” What would my boys say that means? Is it honorable, respected, and is it godly. Discipline is the tool we use to build these characteristics in our children. We teach them that hard work is purposeful, that giving is good, that a positive outlook in life is catchy, and that a pure heart is most attractive. The world would have us think the opposite; leisure is the goal, close friends is community, crudeness is being real, and immorality is freedom from the old puritanical ways; all the while believing the world owes them something. How do we train up our children to chose what is right?

1. Time. The number one thing children want from their parents is active time together. Go on picnics, ride bikes, play games, and lose once in a while men.
2. Teach. Information at age appropriate levels is always good. Teaching children to read the Bible. Explain to them who God is, His handiwork, and his love for them (go get ice cream).
3. Transparent. Be transparent before your children. Let them see you win and fail. They will watch to see if you apologize like you tell them to. Their eyes are always looking to see if you lie, steal, yell, and curse god. When you are a good example of the characteristics you are trying to instill, they will want to be like you when they grow up.

Loving, consistent, discipline. Time, Teaching, Transparency. These are the essentials for developing the next godly generation. They are frame works to guide in the adventure called parenting. 

Tomorrow: “Watching them walk down the road.”  I’m just saying...

Spare the rod, waste a good stick

A few years ago, the story was told, that an American boy, living in Singapore, was caught keying cars. There is no such thing as little crimes in Singapore. He was tried, found guilty, and sentenced to caning. An out cry from the U.S. could be heard around the world, except for in Singapore. The crime rate is so low that people feel safe there, second only to Tokyo. Their surveillance, strict laws and swift discipline has curbed the crime rate drastically. The west, however, has seen crime increase and speedy trials decrease. 

Caning is not new or foreign. The principle of slapping nuckles is the same. In fact my own experience with American caning taught me some valuable lessons. In the third grade spelling was difficult for me, and often I had to take my failing marks home to be signed by my parents. My brothers, to my surprise, were willing to help. They showed me a fool proof way to forge my mom’s name. Well, fool proof to a third grader. My third grade teacher saw right through it, and my lie received three wacks with the school paddle (Remember the good ole days). Did it work? Ask my ninth grade teacher (that’s right 9th grade). I am not advocating any form of discipline at this point, but I think my generation swung the pendulum too far the other way. What does Proverbs have to tell us?

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him...Have I not written for you thirty sayings of counsel and knowledge, to make you know what is right and true...Words of the Wise Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge...Do you see a man skillful in his work? 

Everyone craves three things, even our children: 1. A spiritual experience, 2. Loving relationships, and 3. Purpose.  But sin has warped every good thing and turned us toward selfishness and self interest. That’s why we don’t need to teach our children to be bad, only to be good, and there are only three things you need to accomplish good parenting. Are you ready? 1. Loving, 2. Consistent, 3. Discipline, grounded in God’s word. 

We teach our children that God loves them, but they experience that love through us. The greatest gift parents can give their children is to love each other with all their hearts. Sin tells us that children are resilient and weather their parents’ divorce, that it is better for everyone if spouses split. Homes are better without abusive parents, but that isn’t what I’m getting at. Before you have children, while you have children, and after your children are gone, your primary relationship is with your spouse. If you love one another you will not have a problem loving your children, and they will not have a problem loving God. Read Ephesians 5:22.

Consistency is a challenge when it comes to disciplining our children, for two reasons. First, those little faces are so adorable who could ever discipline them. Secondly, they are the biggest terrors to walk the face of the earth and you will do anything to shut them up (deep breath). Yet, children thrive under consistency, because then they know what to expect. They will try you, they will conjole you to get what they want, but in the end their little psyches need parents who are strong and loving, not wish washy friends.

Discipline is often confused with punishment. Discipline can be harsh or soft depending on the situation, but discipline is always for the child’s benefit. Discipline is a military word that focuses on performing the same task over and over until the soldier acquires the necessary skill. It is the same with children, they learn early that good behavior is rewarded and poor behavior inolves pain. The reward part is easy, so let’s talk about pain. In early childhood it is important that defiance receives the harshest discipline, but other acts of disobedience should have discipline that fits the offense. 

If I asked my son to not touched something he is not suppose to touch, he was sternly told no, and engaged in another activity. If he went back to the object the discipline was repeated. If he did it a third time his hand was flicked. If he did it again his hand was flicked. If he did it again he was spanked. Each time the severity grew and applied consistently. After each flick or spanking his offense and punishment was explained with a hug, reassuring him of our love. As my boys grew older the same process was repeated with age appropriate discipline and punishment. By the time they were teenagers we had gained their respect, they knew what to expect, and our love for them was unquestioned. 

We failed often, but those were teaching times when we would confess our own sin, apologize, and asked them for forgiveness. There were tense moments and tender moments, but over all, if you are loving, consistent, and disciplined, your children will grow up in the way they should go. This is nothing new, it is how God treats us. 

Tomorrow will be “sex, drugs, and rock and roll.”  I’m just saying.

Listen to me, LISTEN to me, LISTEN TO ME!

Listen to me. LISTEN to me. LISTEN TO ME!  There is nothing more frustrating when you are trying to get your children to do something and they tune you out. There are strategies that parents use to facilitate their selective hearing. 

"Turn off the TV and look at me"

"Take off the ear phones and listen to me"

"Look me in the eyes, do you understand what I am saying to you."

We know that listening, hearing, and understanding comes only when all of a child's senses are focused on the conversation. Listening and understanding is the basis for obedience.

The Apostle told the children of the Ephesian church that they were to do two things: obey and honor.

The word obey is from the same root word as submit used previously in regard to wives and husbands. The difference is that wives submit by willingly placing themselves under the influence of their husbands, while children listen with the intent to obey.

It takes us back to Proverbs where the writer instructs the reader to listen to wisdom, heed her words, follow her instruction and it will be well with you. In the same way children are to listen to the wisdom of their parents and to submit to their experience so that it will be well with them.

Children are by nature selfish creatures. Oh, they do cute things, they snuggle, they kiss, and they can smile to melt the heart of any parent. But leave the room and they will devise ways to get around any prohibition, been there/done that. Therefore, parents are constantly teaching their children to listen and obey using different techniques and strategies so that the child will grow up and be godly. It is the child's responsibility, then, to obey. Life is so much better when both parties participate willingly.

The second thing children are to do is to honor their parents. The word is an action word that means, to manifest consideration towards, to treat favorably, to visit with marks of favor. Children can't honor their parents and not show that honor with tangible action.

My children have told me that I should treat them well because they will be picking out my nursing home. It's all in fun, but for some the sentiment is true. Their children hold animosity in their hearts and can't wait to unload them.

Honor, however, choses to hold the parent in high regard whether they deserve it or not. The passage doesn't say that when parents act honorably then treat them with honor. Honor is an act of selfless love. 

Honor obeys

Honor listens

Honor speaks well 

Honor respects

Honor submits

Honor calls

Honor visits

When a child listens, obeys, and honors there is a promise, life will go well and they will live long in the land. This is an Old Testament promise to Israel. Culturally father's could kill disobedient children, obedience meant long life. But it also meant that God would preserve them in the land. Obedience meant following after their parents faith and obeying the law. These actions brought God's favor and he would allow them to stay in the land. Otherwise he would discipline them by sending them into captivity. 

Today, when there is harmony in the home, both children and parents are healthier, emotionally and physically. There is less worry and stress which leads to health issues. When children are obedient life goes smoother.

The word children applies to anyone of descent who still lives with their parents. So, whether you are four or forty if you are still living off your parents then you are to listen and obey.

I have three boys who honor me. They haven't always listened and obeyed, but the pattern of their lives exhibited the characteristics of obedience and honor. I have no greater joy then to know that they follow the Lord and have families of their own. I enjoy spending time with them and marvel at what God has done in their lives. 

 The only greater joy is to see them have children of their own. Well, because what goes around comes around. I'm just saying.

Ephesians 6:1,2 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”