Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll

Some people are afraid to press the link. We can’t talk about this at home, but the internet, anything goes? Of course that was the slogan, “anything goes,” of the sixties. Lax discipline, free love, and a morality based on the desires of the flesh. It was suppose to usher in an era of enlightenment, as drug induced experiences elevated us into a new plain of existence. How did that go for them? I rode the waves of the hippie generation, in but not really of it. Not involved in drugs but definitely living for self. 

God reflects His character in us. We are the image barrier of God, but sin has marred that image, and telling children what not to do is insufficient. Parents not only need to teach, but to model God’s image in them. Proverbs tells us, 

A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches...The prudent sees danger and hides himself...The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life...Thorns and snares are in the way of the crooked; whoever guards his soul will keep far from them...Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out...He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend...The sluggard says, “There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!” The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit...to make you know what is right and true, that you may give a true answer to those who sent you...Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings.

A name says everything about a person; his character, his reputation, and his trustworthiness. A man with a good name:

1. Cares about his conduct before God and others.
2. Humbles himself before others because he fears the Lord
3. Is On guard against the a perverse and crooked generation whose attitude is negative and complaining.
4. Is pure in heart and has a grateful attitude. 
5. Works hard and learns a trade to better himself and the people around him.

“Son, remember you’re a Perkins.” What would my boys say that means? Is it honorable, respected, and is it godly. Discipline is the tool we use to build these characteristics in our children. We teach them that hard work is purposeful, that giving is good, that a positive outlook in life is catchy, and that a pure heart is most attractive. The world would have us think the opposite; leisure is the goal, close friends is community, crudeness is being real, and immorality is freedom from the old puritanical ways; all the while believing the world owes them something. How do we train up our children to chose what is right?

1. Time. The number one thing children want from their parents is active time together. Go on picnics, ride bikes, play games, and lose once in a while men.
2. Teach. Information at age appropriate levels is always good. Teaching children to read the Bible. Explain to them who God is, His handiwork, and his love for them (go get ice cream).
3. Transparent. Be transparent before your children. Let them see you win and fail. They will watch to see if you apologize like you tell them to. Their eyes are always looking to see if you lie, steal, yell, and curse god. When you are a good example of the characteristics you are trying to instill, they will want to be like you when they grow up.

Loving, consistent, discipline. Time, Teaching, Transparency. These are the essentials for developing the next godly generation. They are frame works to guide in the adventure called parenting. 

Tomorrow: “Watching them walk down the road.”  I’m just saying...

What Is Your Crisis Of Faith?

My crisis of faith began with one sentence, "What are you reading?" I was determined to have my devotions and read my bible. I was a new believer rooming with two non-believers. Their question seemed innocent, they were curious about my early morning reading material.  I don't even remember what passage I was reading. I just wanted to be a good testimony. When they started talking about science and creation, about the impossibility of a universal flood, of the ridiculousness of miracles, I had no answers. It wasn't that I was unsure of forgotten information. Their arguments were plausible. I mean who could ignore scientific evidence.  This morning I googled the top arguments against Christians and they haven't changed. They all revolve around the basic assumption of naturalism, that God doesn't exist, and the triumph of science over the incompatibility of faith. They sound reasonable.

That's why Paul was writing the Colossians. He didn't want them to be swayed away from their faith by arguments that sounded good. Deception is a key tool in the devil's arsenal, and he uses it in the area of our weakness. If a loved one dies, "how could God allow it?" If you have cancer, "Why is there pain and suffering in the world?" If you like science, "Doesn't evolution disprove the creation myth?" If your a philosopher, "If Jesus is the only way why are there so many religions in the world?" If you are caring, "Would God really send people to hell who have never heard the gospel?" "How can a loving God even contemplate sending someone to hell?" If you don't like the bible's restrictions, "But doesn't God want me to be happy?" Plausible, reasonable, arguments abound. When presented with plausible arguments doubt can set in, bitterness can take root, and apostasy can follow. In my crisis God led me to Bible College. For others it is a good book, their pastor, or a friend. Counter arguments, however, are not what keeps us from falling away. They are important, but they are secondary. The Apostle Paul told the Colossians that what would keep them was the knitted love of the body that led them to a deeper understanding of the mystery of God in Christ. It is the same for us today.

What anchors me in my deepest emotional need is the reality of God's existence. I cannot escape that fundamental truth. Through the working of the Holy Spirit, God teaches me that His love is unshakable, and that it was powerfully expressed in the death and resurrection of Jesus! The issues I face, the questions I have, and the doubt I encounter are always seen through the lens of His unfathomable love. There are answers to all the plausible questions, there is nothing new under the sun. But unless we are set firm on the foundation of Christ the storms of life, the deception of Satan, and our own lusts will lead to apostasy. 

What plausible arguments are tugging on your faith? What strong, faithful believer can you confide in? It's not a sin to have doubts, and it's not anti-intellectual to believe in God through Christ. Deepen your understanding of Jesus. Struggle in the fellowship of his suffering and the power of his resurrection. In the end God will chase the darkness from the corners of your life until all that is left is the light of his love. There you will grasp its height, it's depth, and its breadth until you reach the fullness that is in Christ. I'm just saying. "I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments" (Col. 2:4).   Www.cravingsomethingmore.com    

Because I Said So

Children in the first century didn't have any rights. They were under the absolute authority of their father. He literally had their life in their hands. That is why it was important for them to be obedient, because it brought them longer life. Yet, the gospel redeems children from the brutality of the world and lifts them up as valuable in the eyes of God, and therefore, in the eyes of fathers.

The Apostle Paul gives father's very specific instructions on how to relate to their children. First, he doesn't single out boys. This is important because in the first century father's had little to do with their daughters specifically and children generally. Wives raised children until they were close to their teens, at which point the father took his son under his wing and taught him the family trade. Girls remained in the home and under their mothers care until they were married. By identifying children in this command Paul raises the status of not just children but girls as well (if you remember in Proverbs the writer always addressed the sons).

Secondly, Paul instructs fathers not to provoke their children to anger. The Greek word means to exasperate or irritate. When seeking the unity within the home (and thus in the church) father's have a responsibility to treat their children with respect. But what does it mean not irritate your children? I am sure my boys could tell you that I irritated them all the time, whether it was through discipline or embarrassment (and I don't think the Apostle would deprive a father of the joy of embarrassing his children in front of their friends).

There is nothing more exasperating then demanding unreasonable expectations. Mothers are more compassionate, but fathers tend to tell their children to stop crying and get over it. Unreasonable expectations are the sign of weak parenting. Each child is different. They have different personalities, different, gifts, different intellectual and physical capabilities. Parents who expect the same from each child hasn't taken the opportunity to learn about their children's particular needs.

Unreasonable expectations sets the course of the child's life. Parents who decide for their children what they will be, what career they will pursue, what person they will marry, or what school they will attend exasperate children who are trying to make their own way. Good parenting sees how a child is bent and guides them in the way they should go.

Unreasonable expectations does not allow for free exchange of ideas and emotions. "Because I said so," may be true, but it stifles communication, reasoning skills, and compromise. I don't believe you can reason with a two year old and I have watched mothers argue with toddlers trying to get them to understand and obey. Explaining is an important tool in the growth of the child, and encourages them to use reasoning skills. A simple explanation for a toddler and a conversation with a teenager. When parents engage their children in the rationale of their decision it helps children to form good reasoning skills. They may not agree with the decision and you might have to end with "because I said so," but it should never be the starting point. 

The third part of Paul's instructions is for the father to engage in the discipline and instruction of his children. Parents should always display a united front before the children. That means parents need to agree on discipline techniques, standards for video games, TV, and friends. Children are good at divide and conquer,mane if parents don't agree then watch out.

Our boys hated the answer to their question, "let me talk to you mom (or dad)." Ahhhh, they would say. "Mom said I needed to ask you." Which meant Rebecca and I needed to talk. We typically agreed that the most conservative opinion was followed. I was more apt to let them wander the streets aimlessly. But usually if Rebecca or I said no that was the answer. 

Parents need to parent ahead of their children. Too often parenting is reactionary and last minute. But looking at the next stage of your child's development  and determining your decisions ahead of time takes a lot of pressure out parenting. That's why the third child is easier. By then you have figured out what battles are worth fighting. Thinking ahead with the first child will help eliminate unreasonable expectations.

Parenting should be in the Lord. There is nothing more frightening then your children walking away from the faith. Parents hover, protect, and manipulate to keep this from happening. In the end the child must make his own decisions. Again discipline and instruction in the Lord means there is a base or moral expectations and personal value that shapes parental discipline and instruction. 

This includes theology and the disciplines of the faith. It means teaching didacticly and by example. It means serving your children and teaching them to serve. It means asking for forgiveness and extending grace. It means knowing when punishment is redemptive and mercy preferable. It means being sure of what you believe, but allowing room for questions of doubt. It means guiding not pushing. It means eventually letting go and trusting the Holy Spirit.

I have three godly young men who have married godly women and it brings joy to my soul. They are different and are finding their way in life differently. We don't agree on every point of our faith, but we are free to express lovingly our points of view. Parenting never ends, but it morphs and grows. I am thankful that my children still want to talk with me about life and faith, and I hope that the mistakes I have made as a father have been covered by the grace of God and my children's love.

Their are few guarantees in parenting, but their are clear instructions. Have at it..I'm just saying...

Ephesians 6:4 "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."