Look What I Can Do...I’m just saying

"I can tie my shoe all by myself."

"I can open the door all by myself."

"I can do it all by myself."

There is nothing cuter than a three-year-old or five-year-old showing off his new skill. An educator friend of mine once observed that young children go through cycles to learn a new skill. 

1. See the skill they want to accomplish, i.e., walking.
2. Attempt the skill they want to achieve and fail, i.e., falling.
3. Frustration at not performing the desired skill, i.e., crying.
4. Getting back up, trying again, and when they succeed, the child celebrates.
5. Repeat the cycle until the new skill is learned. 

My friend said the cycle was approximately 3 to 6 months, depending on the child's skill level. That is why she observed, "Young children can be fussy during this time. They are trying, failing, learning, and celebrating so many new skills at one time." It's incredible how God has created their capacity to learn.

As parents, we spend a lot of time celebrating our children's accomplishments and showering them with praise. Until the day we don't. Somewhere along the line, the cuteness of "I can do it by myself" turns into individualism and rude behavior. "Your part of this family, act like it." "We are a family, and we will do things together." "Let me help you with that; I can do it a lot faster."

On the other side of the spectrum, we hear phrases like, "good job, you can accomplish anything just hang in there." "Don't listen to your coach; I think you're the best player out there." "I know it's not fair. They shouldn't judge your performance; you have a good heart." This why adolescence has continued 

I remember doing variations of both avenues of parenting. It's a wonder that any child grows up well adjusted. The same is true in the church. No one likes a showoff, so we are careful with our praise. At the same time, we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so we tell them they are doing a good job when, in reality, it is mediocre at best. Then there is this famous quote, "God doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies the called." I understand the sentiment, but if we are not careful, anyone who believes they are called to a task can say, "but God has called me."

I was recruiting someone for children's ministries and chose the most qualified and passionate person. The next day a woman approached me and said that she had been praying about it and believed that God had called her to this particular ministry and that I should let the other person go and chose her. I wouldn't do that, of course, and she got mad and eventually left the church.

It is a balance as parents and as leaders in the church when it comes to encouragement, praise, evaluation, and judgment. We are to be patient with one another as well as admonish one another. We are to encourage one another, but not puff one another up. We are to seek qualified people but give room for God's gifting. We are to train while acknowledging natural ability. It is incredible that any Christian grows to be a well-adjusted follower of Jesus.

My mom always told me, "Paul, blow your own horn because no one else will." It is a balancing act to put yourself in the public eye. You either know God wants you to do something specific or test the waters and see if it is right for you. One thing is for sure, "1 Peter 5:6 (ESV) Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you." I'm just saying…