Long Enough

Wether you are feeling the blues or you’re in full blown depression, at some point you just have to say enough.

Long Enough

I have stood in darkness long enough 

Dwelt in consuming self-pity.

I lift my head to what can be

Leave behind the shackles of depression

Why should I be tied to others?

Their lips of true love’s concern speak not 

Their empty hands pat my back

Be warmed and filled as the door closes

Today is the beginning of light

To pursue unfettered by others expectations 

Today is the beginning of what could be

To reach a new height of potential in me

One door closes and another opens 

To reveal a path un-expectantly taken 

My feet step out to find my way 

Known to God revealed to me.

Anger not at the rocky path

It hears no words of angst aggression 

Focus on the future prize

Lift high my head on a smooth path

I’ve known the lows of depression, and their are aspects of it that are chemical imbalances of the brain. Take your medication and stop whining (I know that sounds harsh). We can either wallow in self pity or we can look toward a future that is both seen and ordained by God. In that reality we then chose to thank God for everything, because it is ultimately from His hand. Complaining, getting angry, or just pouting about how unfair it is doesn’t change the situation. Trust God, and do something about your life.  I’m just saying..

I can’t believe I’m doing this

I can have the tendency to go overboard, and then at some point in the project I want to just stop. I’ve had enough and the work that I have to go seems so much more than what I have done. So, here I am building a Lincoln logesck play house for my grandchildren. It would have been much easier to have pulled out a tent and set it up. For some reason I thought this would be so much more fun for my grandchildren (my boys say I would never have gone to this much trouble for them when they were the same age). But this is the first Christmas we will have with them, and maybe again for a long time. 

So here I am putting it together realizing that my architectural skills are lacking and so I am adjusting the plans as I go along. I am still short pieces and the lengths I have are not the right ones. Now I am counting, measuring (if necessary) sawing and sanding until I get it somewhat the way I have imagined it. All for two weeks of with my grandchildren. It reminds me of these passages of scripture:

But, as it is written,

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared for those who love him” 1 Corinthians 2:9

“In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?” John 14:2

There will be a time when we will step into eternity and find more than we could ever imagine, a room just for us, built with love, and next door all those who have gone on before us. The love that I have for my grandchildren pales in comparison to that of our Heavenly Father. So, if I find this much joy in their smiles, giggles,s and delight, how much more the Father will delight in the final revelation, when My eyes will widen in awe and wonder, speechless with the joy of being in the presence of my savior and Lord; my loving Abba. I’m just saying...

Anger

We have to deal with anger at one time or another. I know I have. The following came from a time I wrestled with that awedul feeling.

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• Anger -- It swirls around in my head like electrons around the nucleus; 
• fast, continuous, trying to escape.
• Anger -- it wants to escape its containment, to wreak havoc on an unsuspecting crowd, 
• to devour those who stand in its way.
• Anger -- it pulsates and throbs like the pounding pain of a migraine.
• Anger -- it lashes out at the innocent like a rabid dog gone mad 
• Anger -- it consumes all that's around like a cancer 
• eating at the rotten flesh of a living, yet dying carcass.
• Anger -- it has little redeeming value for the human condition 
• who knows not how to direct it towards righteousness.
• Anger -- isolates
• Anger -- consumes
• Anger -- devours
• Anger -- destroys
• Anger -- should be left to God.

The scripture says to be angry without sin, that’s the catch isn’t it, without sin. The scripture also says that if we could bridle our tongue we could be perfect. Guess what, none of is perfect, therefore we cannot 100% hold our tongue or be angry without sin. Anger doesn’t leave room for grace and mercy, it just eats away at a person’s heart until bitterness takes control. It’s better to trust God with our anger and turn our energy toward loving others with the Love of Jesus. I’m just saying....

Abandoned Hope

Hope is a strong emotion that gives meaning, but what if it disappears?

Evil lurks behind the ear 

Whispering words of malice 

Tempting those of weaker minds 

Steering towards destruction

No thought of goodness

No echo of what is right

No dim reminder of righteousness 

No sense of a better life

Bent towards self-gratification 

Living only for the moment 

Wading through self delusion 

No hope; No hope; No hope

They cannot hear 

They cannot see

They cannot recognize 

The ones who care

They cannot fathom

The lengths that are gone

To help them succeed

To grow into something better

They push They resist 

They fight Only to fall

The darkness consumes

The light pushes through

Only to be slapped back

And darkness lays hold once again

Those who toil on their behalf 

Exhausted rise each day

To fight a battle not their own 

Only to be mistreated

Evil lurks behind the ear 

Whispering words of malice 

What will happen to the young 

When hope has been abandoned

A friend once told me that you can’t work harder then the person you are trying to help. Sometimes it seems fruitless to continue. Jesus gives us the picture of leaving the 99 to go after that one stubborn sheep that just doesn’t want help. The evil one tells us to give up, to keep trying, he doesn’t want to work as hard as you. But then again, I’m not doing it for him, but for Jesus, who pursued me when I wasn’t interest. I’m just saying...

What I Should Have Said

I wonder if God ever gets discouraged? I was thinking of my sermon this past week and out of all the people of Israel, God chose Samson to be judge (not a great example of moral character). Yet, he was the best that Israel had to offer. Of course, God chose him before he was born, but to think that even then God knew there was no one better coming down the line. It is God’s relentless grace that filled in Samson’s deficiencies, and his unending love that would bring about a revival and the coming of king David. God knew there would be better days.

I sometimes would like to sit on heaven’s perch and see the totality of history, the highs of the church and the victory dinner with the Lamb of God. Maybe, that’s why the writer to the Hebrews wrote, 

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith” Heb. 12,1,2.

We might not have the vantage point now, but those of faith, who have gone before us, have, and they are cheering us on. Yes, there will be difficulties, yes, there will be pain, and yes there will be loss, but we don’t give up and we don’t give in. We throw off the weight of sin. By this the writer means that we are freed from sin by the blood of Jesus, so we can live rich and meaningful lives. We are free from its guilt, and can turn our hearts to praise. We aren’t bound by its shame, and we lift our heads in gratitude.

But what helps us to keep going down the narrow road? Two things. The first is the deep and abiding relationship we have with the Father. The second, is the testimony of the saints. Paul asked Philemon to refresh his spirit by testifying to the good things God was doing in their midst. There is nothing more encouraging than to hear the testimony of the transforming nature of the Gospel.

Then I got to thinking 🤔. Wouldn’t it be nice to have people stand up in church each Sunday and declare the goodness of God in their lives? But we have tried it and either no one is willing to share (for a number of good reasons) or God isn’t working in our midst. Guess what? It’s not the second reason. God is working and it is amazing. 

That got me thinking. What if you sent me an email testifying to how God has been working in your life, transforming you daily, helping you see a better way, and healing you physically or spiritually. Then I would share it (anonymously) each Sunday. 52 Sunday’s, 52 testimonies. 

That’s my Challenge to you, my brothers and sisters. Send your story to pperkins@sjm.church. I can’t wait to hear what God has been doing. Im just saying…

A Life Time

I wrote this during a time that I was question everything, and the gentle voice of God spoke clearly?

I have spent a lifetime learning Teaching others what I know

 Dispensing wisdom freely As if certain of what I speak

Words are easily spoken Rolling off the tongue freely

But without POWER

They are empty-vain-vapor in the air

Yet, with all the syllables that Have passed through these lips

 How have they changed a life?

Or impacted the world for the Kingdom?

I have spent a lifetime pursuing

A fleeting sense of glory 

Without understanding a simple truth 

That sustains us in the darkness

In prosperity it is easy

To raise our voice in hallelujahs 

Thanking God for blessings that

 Feign contentment and satisfaction

But when the winds blow 

When the storms of life create havoc 

The blessings that we gladly receive 

Are obscured behind pains darkness

It is easy, then, to forget

From whom the good things come 

To blame the giver of life

And wonder why He has withdrawn

All the wisdom once dispensed

 Ring hallow when spoken by others 

For surely my contribution given

 Is worth more then this darkness?

Forgotten, not, in the storm 

Though emotions wind blows 

He wraps a gentle arm around 

Protecting the hearts that are His

I must stop talking

I must look, listen, stand silent

I must see the blessings

I must stand in awe of His loving hand

And what simple truth stands

 As a beacon in the darkness 

What promise given to His children 

That brings hope in the silence

Emmanuel -- God with us

 God with us in the storm 

God with us in the silence

 God with us in the darkness

His blessings do not cease 

They come in unexpected ways

 His voice is not silent

He speaks in unmistakable tones

His care has not turned cold

A gentle touch is given by a friend 

His love is not diminished

It deepens with deeper knowledge

God is with us

Now the seal of the Spirit God is in us

A heart of stone now flesh

How does this truth profound 

Change the darkness of the moment 

How does God with us - in us

 Change the cloud I am in?

No promise has been given

Of paths without stones

Some pebbles, some rocks, some boulders

 Each path is laden with obstacles

Two things remain sure In this life that is ours

 It is full of obstacles 

And we are not alone

Whatever lies within our path— God is with us

 Whatever direction that is new —God is with us

In the darkness a light shines 

That we might see the obstacles 

That we might be aware 

That we might not be frightened

God with us Who can be against us

 God with us Peace is ours

In the darkness there is light 

On the path there is guidance

 In the storm there is peace 

In want there is contentment

I may not be what I once was

I may not have what I once possessed

 I may not see the future as clearly

I don’t stand as sure as before

Yet in it all 

Through it all

 Because of it all

 God is with us

During the Christmas season, remembering that, no matter what, God is with is an important truth to remember, more than ever.  I can’t count the times this simple truth has kept me from walking away. I’m just saying....

The Narcissism of Our Pain

The following is an excerpt from my book “Reflections of a Broken Man.” It seems narcissistic to post the reflections of some of my darkest hours, but then again isn’t blogging itself self absorbed. At any rate I thought I would repost some of the poems over the next couple of days and add some additional thoughts. The opening begins:

________________

There are times when life is overwhelming, when the truths that we held self-evident flounder against the pain. We desperately want faith to be simple, but it seldom is, it strains against self-perceptions, voices loud and subtle. During our darkest hours (and only the individual can determine that time) the heart cries for something more, something deeper, and something that will make sense of it all.

Yet, there is little sense in the world. Evil flourishes, good people suffer, the greedy prosper, and the faithful drown under the weight of life. One-step forward and two-step backward and all. There is comfort somewhere, at least we are told, that will carry us through to a better life. But why hope for a better life when the one we are in should do us just fine?

If you are looking for encouraging poetry to lift you out of the mire, this may not be for you. These reflections are the open heart of my soul in its darkest hours. It asks questions that are seldom answered, a voice shouting into the gale force winds, lost in the void, and yet, still seeking hope. Enjoy, commiserate, or not, but keep asking questions.

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I am glad those days are past, at least for me. There are many around who move through the rhythm of their lives in pain. For us who have gone through we can offer hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. His name is Jesus. I’m just saying.