If I Could Not Do It All Over Again....

Regret is an evil stepchild. It lingers in the back of the mind, tugging at yesterday, holding back tomorrow. It doesn’t want you to be happy, and reminds you of what could have been without offering any hope for what will be. Let me say off the bat, I have no regrets, but if I could do it all over again I would:

1. Have learned to dance. I took Rebecca to a two hour, private ballroom dance lesson. We danced once after that, and no, it’s not because I think dancing is evil.
2. Have learned to fly. I have several reoccurring dreams and the most exillerating is the one where I lean as far forward as I can until my feet move so fast that I take off, aided with flapping arms. Once in the air I can soar as free as a bird. These is something about flying that sets you free.
3. Have traveled before ministry and kids. We were so serious to change the world, that we missed opportunities just to see the world and spend time together. 

That’s a short list, because, when I think about it, God has blessed me with the most wonderful wife ever, three amazing boys, three even more amazing daughter-in-laws, and three beautiful (amazing) grandchildren. I have the privilege of knowing Abrar and calling her my daughter (A foreign exchange student). I have enjoyed the warm, soft nuzzle of a horse, and the wet cold noes of some crazy dogs. I have traveled to Greece, Turkey, Jordan, Mexico, Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, and Bahrain. I have been to most of the States in the Union. I have scuba dived with sharks, jumped out of airplanes, rode motorcycles too fast (crashed twice), backpacked in mountains and deserts, and rode a train across the country. 

I have walked in the rain, holding the hand of my sweetheart, and kissed her under a full moon. I have argued with her, and been infuriated, only to know the sweetness of reconciliation. She brings the best out of me, and helps me navigate the darker side of my soul.

I have held a newborn in my arms, and the hand of the elderly passing from this life. I have experienced the joy of new life and the sorrow of death too soon. I have known the hungry and abandoned, and I have seen, but never known, despair. No, I have no regrets, and I wouldn’t have done it differently. Our past shapes us, develops our characteristics, and what made me, me early on in life, is what God used to bring me to where I am, and I am blessed. I’m just saying....

Things That Go Bump In The Night

The darkness was thick with dread, and around each corner lay an evil spirit. One must beware of “things that go bump in the night.” Halloween, or as Hulu put it “Huluween,” has come and gone for another year. Little children dressing up as favorite characters (or rather their parents’), going from house to house, extorting from their poor neighbors, candy on penalty of tricks. Sounds all so goulash to me. No one came to our house, though Rebecca had prepared just in case. Living right outside of town, on a dead end (pun not intended), was a prohibiting factor. 

The darkness is frieghtening, and the rush of adrenaline from childhood stories or trickster friends can be exhilarating. We both loathe and relish those moments when someone jumps out of the corner and scares us, as long as it is not meant for harm. What I think is the greater deception than Halloween, is the the whole quote of “things that go bump in the night.

This expression comes from The Cornish or West Country Litany : ‘From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggety beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord deliver us!’ Like the little boy who preferred his mother over prayer to shield him against things that go bump in the night, I too, prefer "God with the skin on.”

Do we prefer the comfort of the flesh over the comfort of God? Where do we go, and what do we prefer, when things go bump in the night. It doesn’t have to be the creatures under our bed that dredges up fear. It could be the fear of a boss, or the IRS, or losing a loved one that cause the hair on the back of our neck to stand on end and tingle. Like the little boy we would prefer God with skin. And there again our gracious God provides in two ways.

First, the gospel of John said, “in the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God... and the word became flesh and dwelt among us.” God became flesh to identify with us, and to deal with the evil that brings fear into our lives, sin and darkness. Jesus is the light of the world and darkness flees in his presence. But in the flesh Jesus could only be in one place at a time, so he returned to the father and sent the Holy Spirit. Now God dwells in every believer, to be comforted and to give comfort.

Secondly, God has provided us skin to give comfort and hope to the lost and hurting of the world. As his body, we bring the name of Jesus to bear against the fear mongers, the haters, the contentious among us. It is God’s love that drives out fear, because in his love he has conquered sin and death. 

“From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggety beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord thank you for delivering us!” I’m Just Saying... 

I Can’t Wrap My Head Around It!

I’ve always wanted to be a guitarist. Ever since the 3rd grade, when I carried a guitar around strumming tunes without chords, until I took classical guitar after our 3rd year of marriage. Rebecca worked at Carmalou’s House of Music, teaching piano, and I took lessons from one of the most interesting guys. He said he had played for Gladys Night and the Pips. He also attended church with his wife, and though not a believer felt he should write Christian songs (no one else was). One evening, as we were tuning our guitars, he sad that the universe was made of music. At the time I thought he was just a little out of tune, but he might not be to far off. As one blogger noted!

The logic is that sound waves are a force that travel through particles, and you had every single particle possible. So it was a reaction with the entire universe. It had the power to create the universe in that one instant, so is it such a large leap in logic to say that God was the one who utilized that moment?

In the Bible, Genesis 1:3 states "And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. " It simply shows the power of God speaking. In John 1: 1-3 it also states "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. " He was the Word, a spoken form of sound. Even when the angels are interacting with God like in Job 38: 4-7.

Particles, waves, mathmatics, it’s all very overwhelming to me. Consider the following standard model equation.

Unless you’re a Math Nerd (no offense intended) it won’t make any difference if I make the picture bigger. The equation is suppose to explain how everything works. I’ll take their word for it. Here are some pictures of the beauty of math.The beauty and scope of math and imagination is amazing, but if such beauty can de derived from what we (some people) can comprehend, how much more can come from the mind and magnificence of the unfathomable God of Creation.

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! “For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.” Romans’ 11:33-36.

When we stop to worship, whether in church on Sunday Morning, or in our daily devotions, if we can get lost in the mystery of our Great God our worship would be purer, deeper, and more magnificent. I’m just saying...

Watching Them Walk Down The Road

You never stop parenting, whether your children are two or forty two. Love, care, nature, worry are still strong 
motions, especially for moms. And the worst passage in the Bible for parents is Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Watching your children grow up and leave is met with different emotions by mom and dad. Dad is like, “yeah, peace and quiet.” Mom walks from room to room and mourns the quiet. 

Yet, that’s the way of life. If the apron strings are not cut, the unhealthy familial relationship can kill the new couple. At the same time, parents remain parents, but parenting changes. No longer is the relations parent to child, but adult to adult. Some would say that it is still parent to child, that our children are always that. But to hold that view is to see our children as a child, or at least they will think that. No adult wants to be seen or treated like a child, even those who act like one. That means that we have to trust that our inadequate attempts at parenting will bear fruit of well adjusted adults, who can make good and right decisions. 

What if our adult children, however, are not following after Christ? How do we, who love the Lord, help our adult children find the righteous path of Jesus?  Here are some great suggestions by Ron Edmondson 

Here are 7 suggestions for parenting adult children:

Pray continually – Pray like crazy for your adult kids. Intercede for them. You don’t even have to tell them you are – although occasionally I suspect they’d like to hear it, even if they act like they don’t. In fact, discipline yourself that when you’re tempted to worry about them you start to pray for them. It’s far more powerful and one of the best ways you can influence them.

Speak reservedly – Don’t share every opinion you have about how they should be handling their life. That’s a key word. It’s “their” life. And, they may not tell you in so many words, but most adult children want to live their life. Just like you probably want to live yours. You can share on occasion, especially when asked or you know they are about to make a major mistake, but if you share everything it will eventually be noise not influence in their life. The sobering reality is when you offer too much input into, again “their” life, you diminish the impact of your voice when they need it most.

Model for them – Be the maturer one in the relationship. That makes sense, right? You’ve got more experience, shouldn’t you have more maturity? 

I’ve known parents who give the silent treatment to their adult children, because they didn’t call when they should or perform as they expected. Is that the mature response? And, does it work? It may guilt a response, but it doesn’t promote health in the relationship. 

I know others who use manipulative innuendos or put undue pressure on their adult children to call them, be at certain events, or just to respond to them emotionally in a certain way. (And, I get it. You miss their attention and long for it.) But, again, depending on your skill of manipulation it may guilt a response, but it doesn’t build the long, lasting and healthy relationship you will eventually want to have with your children. 

Model the behavior you think your adult children should have. They will likely follow actions more than words.

Remember you were once their age. That’s a key. Remember what it was like to be their age. You wanted to explore. You had dreams. You were scared at times. Confused. Not sure what steps to take. Some days you were just trying to hold it all together. You didn’t know everything. You were still learning. (Hopefully you still are.) You got aggravated at parents at times. And, those parents got aggravated at you. Remember? Try to identify with them by remembering you at their age again. You can influence them better if you can identify more with their season of life. 

Keep the door open. Always be available to them when they make themselves available to you. (Even when they wander. Remember the Prodigal Son story we love so much!) As soon as you close the door to them, when you draw hard lines on the ground or place strict rules upon the relationship, it will be much harder to open the door again. That doesn’t mean you have to let them take advantage of you. (That’s not even good love.) You can set boundaries, especially those, which are in your home or for their ultimate good. (But, make sure it’s for their good and not for your personal preferences.) There may be some non-negotiable issues, but let those be rare. Be generous with grace and forgiveness. Remember, you’re trying to develop a long-term opportunity to influence them.

Love them more than their life. You may not love all the decisions they are making. You may even think they are making a mistake. Again, if there’s an open door to share your insight — share it. I find writing a letter is sometimes the best way, especially if communication is strained. But, the fact is again, you are not raising — you’re influencing. And, they may or may not accept your influence. So, love them — generously and unconditionally — more than you love the current decisions they are making with their life. And, make sure they know how unconditional your love is also. It will guard your influence — if not now — in the future. And, you’ll be very thankful you did in the days ahead. 

Guard the heart. Guard your heart and theirs – above all else (Proverbs 4:23). Keep in mind you want the opportunity to speak into their life for years to come. Be intentional here. Be careful making statements or doing things you may later regret or that will push them further away from you. When you pray, pray for their heart – and yours. Just as you tried to protect their heart all those years they were in your home, keep protecting their heart. 

Hopefully, if influence is protected, if they can understand your intentions towards them are good and you will have invitation to speak into their life, from your success, your failure, and your experience. 

And, lastly, remember, you raised them for this. You raised them to be adults and to embrace the world and to take risks and to be themselves and to be who God designed them to be. They’ll explore just as you did and they’ll make mistakes just as you did. Lord willing, and with good intentionality, your best days (and some of the funnest days) are still to come as a parent. 

Happy parenting! I’m just saying...

Dad, Teach Me To Dance

I’ve had two dance lessons in my life. Square Dancing in the 4th grade, in Altas, Oklahoma. The second was with my wife, Rebecca for an anniversary. We went for a two hour ballroom dance, private, lesson. That’s pretty much the last time I danced, accept for weddings which I will venture out for slow dancing with my wife. It’s not that I don’t like dancing, or that I think it is wrong. I just don’t have any rhythm, so why subject people to a lot of awkwardness. 

I have, however, come to the conclusion that if I had a daughter I would have learned, mainly so that she would know how a true gentleman treats a woman (let’s not go where you’re thinking, I do treat my wife like a true gentleman, just not on the dance floor). There is just something about teaching them as a child and then the last dance at their wedding (stop it, I’m tearing up). At any rate I have three boys and I taught them how to play paintball.

Training your children to grow up as godly young men and women is much like dancing. If you do it right, keeping in the rhythm, and knowing how to lead, they will most likely turn out strong in their faith. Over the next couple of days I want to explore how to engage our children in the dance.

How do we successfully pass to the next generation a passion for God? Proverbs 22:6 instructs us, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This isn’t a promise, but a proverb, and proverbs are general rules, that if this done, the out come is most likely this. But what does it mean to train up a child in the way they should go? If you read the proverb in the context of proverbs chapter 22, there are some very instructive insights to the question. So I am going to do a no, no in the blog world, I am going to have you read a very long text. Here is Proverbs 22, and observe the highlighted words.

A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.

The rich and the poor meet together; the Lord is the Maker of them all.

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.

Thorns and snares are in the way of the crooked; whoever guards his soul will keep far from them.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.

Whoever sows injustice will reap calamity, and the rod of his fury will fail.

Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.

Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.

He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.

The eyes of the Lord keep watch over knowledge, but he overthrows the words of the traitor.

The sluggard says, “There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!”

The mouth of forbidden women is a deep pit; he with whom the Lord is angry will fall into it.

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Whoever oppresses the poor to increase his own wealth, or gives to the rich, will only come to poverty. Words of the Wise Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge, for it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, if all of them are ready on your lips. That your trust may be in the Lord, I have made them known to you today, even to you.

Have I not written for you thirty sayings of counsel and knowledge, to make you know what is right and true, that you may give a true answer to those who sent you? Do not rob the poor, because he is poor, or crush the afflicted at the gate, for the Lord will plead their cause and rob of life those who rob them. Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. Be not one of those who give pledges, who put up security for debts. If you have nothing with which to pay, why should your bed be taken from under you? Do not move the ancient landmark that your fathers have set. Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.”

Let’s list the highlighted words and phrases and see what kinds of instruction the proverb gives us for training up a righteous generation.

1. Good name (favor)
2. The Lord is maker of both the rich and poor
3. Fear of the Lord
1. God shows himself trustworthy
4. Training a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it.
5. Don’t go into debt (borrow is a slave to the lender)
1. Don’t go into debt
2. Prudent
6. Unjust people will reap what they sow
1. Seek what is right and true 
7. Don’t hang around with negative people
1. Don’t make friends with angry and wrathfilled people.
8. Pure heart
1. Stay away from pornography, prostitution, and immoral person
2. Guards his soul 
9. Gracious speech
1. Humility 
10. The Lord watch’s over those who seek knowledge
1. Apply your heart to God’s knowledge
11. Don’t be lazy
1. Work hard and develop a skill
12. Don’t spare the rod of discipline
13. Don’t oppress the poor
1. Don’t rob the poor 

Above is a road map to training up the next generation of godly followers of Jesus. The question is how to apply the characteristic in such a way that builds faith and doesn’t drive our children away. Within the above characteristics are some tools that will help. Tomorrow we will look at the disciplines that God has given to facilitate the process. 

Tomorrow “Spare the rod, waste a good stick... and other myths”. I’m just saying... 

What Motivates Me

I use to work for a delivery company in Dallas, Texas, back the late ‘80’s.  It wasn’t a difficult job, but the pressure to deliver packages on time and promptly made the job stressful.  This was especially true when one-hour delivery was guaranteed and dispatch gave you 6 packages, all going in different directions.  After an 8 to 10 hour day heading home is all I could think about.  Inevitably I would get a call on the radio that a package needed picked up and delivered, and I was the only one in the vicinity.  Though stated in the form of a question, there wasn’t really an option.  For some, the idea of overtime money was appealing and they would jump at the chance.  Not for me, money never motivated my compliance.  I would rather be home with my family and playing with my children, then earning a couple of extra bucks.  Of course I would take the assignment, because not to could threaten my employment. 

Whenever we chose to do something, it is done out of some kind of motivation.  It may be our love for God, our wife, our children, or church.  It may be for money, power, or prestige.    It could even be out of obligation, anger, jealousy, or resentment.  Of course the highest form of motivation is love.  The Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, that if we do anything from a motivation other than love we are clanging cymbals.  And there isn’t anything more annoying than obnoxious clanging. 

I get up every morning, I go to my office to study the word, write, visit a parishioner, or spend time meditating and praying.  I am often faced with the question of motivation.  Why do I do what I do?  Paul says, “For the love of Christ controls us” 2Cor. 5:14.  The Greek word for control can be translated “devoting completely,” “gripped with,” suffering from,” or “hard-pressed.”  I like “suffering from.”   I am suffering from the love of Christ.  When we are so gripped with, devoted completely to, hard-pressed by, or suffering from the love of Christ we cannot help but reach out, love, and care for other people.  When we are captivated by His love, we see everything from a different perspective; our motivation changes.

It is hard to constantly be motivated by love, because people are not always easy to love.  I know I’m not.  I am sure, as many of you will attest to, I can get on people’s nerves, try their patience, and challenge their capacity to tolerate, and vice versa.  It is in these moments that I must take a deep breathe and rely, not on my capacity to love, but on the love of Christ.  It is the love of Christ that motivates me.  It is His overwhelming grace that captivates my desires.  It is His strength and power that allows me to rise above my situation and love other people.   Any other motivation will be short lived.  Especially for guys like me who are distracted by shiny things…squirrel! 

Today, as I reflect on the Christmas Season, I am cognizant of how much God has loved me.  I don’t deserve it.  So why should I withhold love from others.  I’m just saying….