Ohio is slowly opening up businesses, and the restrictions are still stringent. The Governor said, “no mask, no work, no service, no exceptions” No service, does that apply to worship services? What will it look like when we open the doors? How do you maintain a six foot rule? I know how hard it was in college when there was a six inch rule. You know, six inches between guys and girls.
We might have to put in revolving doors that only allow one person in at a time and maintain the proper six foot distance. An aresol spray will be triggered as the door catches you in that in-between place. Already claustrophobic you choke on the spray. Cameras will lock the door down if its face recognition software identifies the occupant is without a mask. Emergency protocols will engage as sirens alert greeters to grab an extra mask and slip it through an automated security drawer.
When you finally make it through the entrance and have been officially and properly welcomed, you may find the stairs lined with sanitizer stations. One station stands next to a stack of bulletins that nobody wants to take. There are no children’s activity bags, and beneath their masks children frown (unless they are under a certain age). You can’t keep the bags sanitized.
Ushers stand at the door to remind you that the pews are cordoned off to maintain acceptable social distancing. Every other pew has a yellow tape at each end with a sign “cross at your own peril.” The usher directs your attention to the screen with additional social distancing information.
1. Sit in pews designated for worship.
2. Four people or one large family per row
3. Hymnals have been removed for sanitary reasons (not a statement of worship preference).
4. Provide your own Bible. If you don’t have one the scripture will be on the screen.
5. Do not cross the plexiglass barrier on the stage. It is there to protect you and the praise team (praise team members must shower before and after each service).
6. Instead of an offering sanitizer wipes will be handed out at the end of the service. Please wipe down anything you may have touched.
7. Offering envelopes are provided in the pew back in front of you. They have been properly cleansed. An offering box is available when you exit the sanctuary.
8. Do not exit your pew until you are dismissed by a guard (I mean usher).
9. And for no reason, whatsoever, should you remove your mask, especially during singing. Expect your hallelujahs to be muffled.
10. Signs have been provided with the word “Amen” printed on them. If you feel moved by the Spirit, lift them up. If the movement is overwhelming you may wave them. Please be respectful of the person next to you.
11. Restrooms are to be used for emergencies only. A professional cleaning crew is available in the event the facilities are needed.
I am sure that I am missing something. Comment on the Facebook post. And just in case, the above list is tongue in cheek. Though I like the “Amen” signs.
It will take a while for life to get back to normal. In his article “When will life go back to normal again,” Henry Blodget writes, “Our best guess, based in part on this paper from the American Enterprise Institute that Insider's Jeremy Berke wrote about this week, is that, in some places, we will be able to begin to safely relax some restrictions in May or June. But life may not return to "normal normal" until 2021.” Mr. Blodet was comparing the 1918 Spanish Flu with Covid19 (click here for an extended article comparing the two).
Whatever it looks like moving forward we will be doing it together. And we will all raise to the Lord our Muffled Hallelujah! To the Father it will be a glorious sound. I’m just saying…
From the Bunker Day 48
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