3rd grade was a tough year. We moved from Tampa, Florida to Altas, Oklahoma. It was my dad’s new duty assignment. Settling into school was difficult and I responded by acting the clown. It made people laugh, but didn’t make them friends. My teacher, Mrs. Thompson tried hard, but was constantly disciplining me for bad grades and forged signatures. I wasn’t very good at it and every time I tried to forge my parents name I was caught. The worst part of 3rd grade was when my brother turned to me and said, “quit following me. Find your own friends.” I was in the third grade, what did I know about making friends. It was hurtful and the disappointment was seared into my memory. Ever since then I have taken up the cause of those on the fringe, who don’t fit in, or who others might set aside.
As a Youth Pastor I spent my time between the highly committed teens and the teens that no one wanted, literally. As a Senior Pastor Sunday Mornings were about connecting with the marginal, like the man whose dreadlocks reached his ankles or the ex biker gang member and ex drug addict. I wanted them to feel welcomed and hopefully make their way into the life of the church. It’s a hard ministry and I wish I could report a lot of success. There were too many obstacles for them personally and within the church. Our nice clean and sanitized religion gets in the way of our call to love. Church people were nice but no one invited them over for Sunday lunch. There were no midweek get togethers that included an invitation for them. We were too nice to infringe on their time. This always saddens my heart.
In 2013 the Lord laid it on my heart to contact people who I could recall that were hurt by me, directly or indirectly. I had never intended to be a stumbling block to them, but the flesh has a way and will find every opportunity to fracture the body. I wrote, sent emails, and called to make amends. I was well received, confession was made and forgiveness received. A few didn’t remember a time that I had hurt them and felt it was just my perception. Either way their was healing. I have found that people, good church people let hurts fester, boil just under the skin, and then rupture into bitterness. Rifts between brothers and sister become evident and instead of confession and forgiveness people isolate and fade away. This is not what God intended, and it saddens my heart.
When you preach or write the by product is that your words are open for everyone’s scrutiny. Just recently a well known pastor said some troubling words about leadership and obedience. It set the Christian social media a blaze with profunctories and opinions. Some of them well thought out and others harsh and without substance. I believe that every Christian has a responsibility to evaluate every word that comes from a preacher’s mouth. That can makes Pastors squeamish. They might tailor their messages in such a way to appeal to everyone. Every Sunday morning is a Pastor’s moment of evaluation and the pews are full of willing critics. I welcome feedback. Just recently someone sent me an email challenging me on a specific point. It was a good point and a different perspective. But people (and this is not directed at anyone I know) can be cruel. They will speak highly of so and so, and not so much on someone else. Usually it is because either it agrees with their position or it doesn’t. We can be quick to correct and condemn without consideration of the affect on the body of Christ. And if the Pastor hurts someone’s feeling during the week, then their Sunday message falls on deaf ears. I get it, I am the same way, but it still saddens my heart.
I appreciate people who muster their courage and come talk to me. We might not agree, but restoration of relationships are what matter. The only way restoration can happen is for people to confess to one another and forgive one another as God in Christ has forgiven us.
Who do you need to go see? If it is me my door is always open and if you walk in to restore a broken relationship….my heart will be full of gladness….I’m just saying.
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