Two types of situations that call for reconciliation. First is the issue of sin. Sin breaks the relationship between the perpetrator and the offended. Sin also separates a brother/sister from the larger body if there isn't repentance. In both cases, confession and repentance are necessary.
Secondly, relationships go sour when people have strongly held convictions or opinions that conflict with someone else's closely held convictions and opinions. Sin is not at issue, but there is a temptation to become angry, frustrated, and selfish. When I hold my opinions tightly or confuse opinion with truth, friction, and division are inevitable. The right moment needs to present itself. So how do we restore relationships when opinions are the center of the divide?
Come together in humility. The need is to come together, and the attitude is humility. The lack of restoration is usually the result of the conflicting parties not coming together. They have given up and believe that restoration isn't possible. Often the reason restoration isn't possible is because there is confusion about what needs to be restored. When people have tightly held opinions, they believe that restoration is only possible if the other party agrees with them. Yet, it is possible to have different opinions and still find restoration if the parties move away from their opinions and focus on their relationship. Putting the other first can only happen if the parties come together in humility. Paul wrote, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3,4.
Give and Take. When strongly held opinions come into conflict, flexibility is hard. That is why it is essential to ask, "what do we have in common?" Even if the opinions are polar opposite, believers always have Jesus as their head, and the Holy Spirit has already broken down the dividing wall. It is our responsibility to maintain unity. For restoration to occur, each party needs to come to the table ready to give up something and take responsibility for their part in the conflict. This doesn't mean we compromise our integrity and beliefs, but it does mean that we acknowledge the broken relationship and confess where we have caused our brother/sister to sin. We may need to confess our attitude, curt answers, and unforgiving stubbornness.
Forgive and forget. Paul told the Colossians in 3:13 "bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive." We forgive because we are forgiven. The sin in this situation is the inability to live together in harmony. If not dealt with, strongly held opinions will create a divide that will blossom into full-grown bitterness. Each party needs to express confession and ask for forgiveness. Requests for forgiveness, Jesus said (Matthew 18:22), should always be granted. Then we need to forget. I know it is almost impossible to forget an emotionally charged situation. Both parties need to forget and not hold their position over the head of their fellow believer. I believe we often withhold forgiveness because, when accepted, it removes the power we may have had over our brother/sister. The complainants can no longer drudge it up in a subsequent disagreement.
Lastly, kiss and make up, or hug, or shake hands. Resolving an issue with a kind physical touch breaks down barriers. It is a show of mutual respect and openness.
The Apostle Paul penned, "We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves." Romans 15:1. If we can trust the Lord to move a mountain, we can surely trust him to restore broken relationships. That is why Jesus died and rose again. I'm just saying.
You who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness" Gal. 6:2
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