Why I Hate Church: Part Ten

           When I left Manitowoc I believed it was the best thing for the church.  The constant strife between the elders and me was not healthy for the church or for my family.  I believed that God was calling me to an associate position where I could focus my strengths in small groups and discipleship.  Through a series of events my wife and I found ourselves in Houston, Texas.  The church seemed to be a growing and thriving fellowship where the small group ministry was multiplying quickly; or so I thought.

            There were five full time pastors, a full time facilities manager, a part time junior high pastor, a part time counselor, a bookkeeper, and two part time secretaries.  I knew things were not as they appeared when one of my first lengthy conversations with the Senior Pastor had to do with the ousting the Worship Pastor.  What lay beneath the surface was an ever growing division between long standing members, who were represented by the worship pastor, and the new people who joined under the ministry of the Senior Pastor.  I was in the middle.

            The staff was divided as well.  There were those like me who were brought in by the Senior Pastor, and those who were long standing members like the Worship Pastor.  The growing chasm resulted in a show down when the Senior Pastor announced a shift in his eschatology.  Those who wanted him gone swooped in and capitalized on the issue because it was a departure from the denominations theological position.  Though I didn’t agree with his new position it didn’t affect the gospel.  He hadn’t committed a moral sin, and his ministry had produced new believers.  In the end it came down to his ability to hold the church together.

            When they asked him to resign it tore the church a part.  Half the church left, and a church that sustained eleven pastors and staff was now forced to reduce it by eight.  And though I had warned them of the necessity of getting their financial house in order the Elders made some short sighted decisions that sped up the need to let eight of us go.  They let everyone go but the Worship Pastor, the Counselor, and the children’s pastor.  Eventually they hired a new Senior Pastor who came in and let the counselor and the Worship Pastor go to bring in his own people.

            To say the least it turned my world upside down.  I went through a sever depression and wondered if I could ever be in ministry again.  I pursued my doctorate thinking that maybe God would lead me into another venue.

Titus 3:9 But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and strife and disputes about the Law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.

Why can’t we avoid the foolishness of our selfish ambition?  I Hate Church because it turns leaders of good will against one another for reasons other than the gospel.  I’m just saying… (Continued). 

Why I Hate Church: Part Nine

            When church becomes a business and we hire professionals then we apply business practices to maintain the ministry.  A young man who grew up in my Youth Group had been called by God to enter the ministry as a Youth Pastor.  After a couple of positions in small churches he found himself back home.  We needed someone to oversee our children’s program part time, and I talked the congregation into letting me hire him with the promise that I would be his mentor.  The tone was set, however, when the question was raised to my ability to fire him if he didn’t perform. 

He was great with the kids, and on Sunday mornings they would run up to him and give him hugs and hold his hand.  What he didn’t do well was recruit and lead other adults in a growing children’s ministry.   I would give him assignments in the area of his weakness but he struggled with them and eventually defaulted back to what was comfortable.  In the end he just under performed.  I was feeling pressure from parents and the Elders 

and in the end I let him go.

Another staff member was hired to strengthen the administrative side of the church.  She balanced my weakness and was good at it.  She helped organize the deacons, took care of the facilities, oversaw the secretarial staff, and made sure that everything we did was legal and above board.  Yet, she rubbed people the wrong way because her default answer to requests was no, and when there was a financial shortfall it was easily decided that her position would be eliminated.  What hurt her the most was that I (or the elders) didn’t seek her input for a solution.  I think behind her statement was a willingness to work for a reduced salary until we were back on our feet financially.  I had said we were a team and in the end I treated her like an employee.

Worship is an integral part of Sunday morning and when I became Senior Pastor I sat with the lay worship leader to make sure that we were on the same page.  We had worked together before, but she was always in charge.  She was talented and the people she led loved her.  When we sat down I told her that if we were going to have conflict it would be over one thing.  She wanted a big praise team and I wanted several small ones – and I was the Senior Pastor.  In the end it drove us apart.  Instead allowing her the freedom to thrive with her vision I held to what I wanted and we had a parting of the ways, and it wasn’t pleasant.

I regret all three situations and outcome.  If I had it to do all over again I would fight for my team, my apprentice, my friends.  I do believe there are times to stand firm for ones ideas and convictions.  I believe that people who are living in sin should suffer the consequences of unrepentant hearts.  But none of the above situations fall into those categories and my leadership failed them.  

  

Rom. 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

From a worldly business perspective the outcome of each situation could be seen as the proper move, and I justified them as such.  I Hate Church because it turned me into something that I loathed, and I am sorry.  I’m just saying… (Continued).

Why I Hate Church: Part Eight

            At the peak of a ‘successful’ Youth Ministry I was sitting at a junior high event when it dawned on me, I didn’t enjoy this anymore.  In a sense I was saying to myself that I had grown up and no longer enjoyed running around with junior high students as their entertainment director.  I didn’t want to be that kid playing with kids any longer, and when an opportunity in the church presented itself I applied to be the Senior Pastor.  

            The move was met with resistance.  Conventional wisdom said that a Youth Pastor couldn’t make it at the same church as a Senior Pastor.  In other words people would always see me as the “Kid playing with Kids.”  Not one to give into conventional wisdom I said that I would apply but not accept the position unless 95% of the congregation voted for me, and when the results came in it was close to 98%.   It seemed to be an overwhelming confirmation of God’s will, but the Elders were torn.  There were a couple willing to give me a chance and a couple who didn’t want to, but the people had spoken and I became the Senior Pastor. 

            In upwardly mobile evangelicalism successful Senior Pastor’s have a persona, an image, a dignified way of doing things.  For those who wanted that kind of image I didn’t fit.  It wasn’t that I brought the image of Youth Ministry into the adult world, but my personality wasn’t (and isn’t) that of the typical CEO.   Constant conflict between the elders and me revolved around an attempt to form me into an image of something that God had not created me to be. 

            I brought practical teaching and preaching to the pulpit, I started a small group ministry, I led my staff relationally, and I tried to focus the church on outreach.  Did I do it all perfectly, no?  The tension between the elders and me seemed to never cease.  It wasn’t their fault entirely.  I was as stubborn toward their desire for me to change as they were to me changing.   The Elder board was no longer a safe place where I could wrestle with my own deficiencies and be encouraged toward a better relationship with Christ. 

            The Church is a mixture of ministry and business.  It is about people and institution.  In our culture the institutional structures sometimes get in the way the business of ministry.  It is no longer sufficient for a pastor to love people and teach the word; he must be a strategist, organizer, recruiter, motivator, counselor, shepherd, prophet, teacher, and communicator.  He is to be compassionate, loving, forgiving while holding people accountable and administering discipline without the two conflicting.  It is very exhausting.

1Tim. 4:12 Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 14 Do not neglect the spiritual gift within you. 15 Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all.

The only image that Paul was concerned for Timothy to portray was one of character wrapped around his spiritual gifting.   I Hate Church because it doesn’t allow Pastors to shine in their character and gifting, but derails them because of their lack in other areas, and when they don’t conform they find it necessary to move on.  I’m just saying… (Continued).

           

            

Why I Hate Church: Part Seven

   

 Seminary served its purpose.  I didn’t learn knew theology or bible, my experience in Bible College was sufficient for those disciplines.  What I learned was how to formulate a strategy of ministry and a philosophical framework that would give me direction and credibility.  However, since in those days there were no degrees in youth ministry I focused on Christian School Administration.  I rationalized that if I were an administrator in a Christian school I would have a greater impact on teens.  In fact, I was being groomed to take over a privately owned Christian school.  It ended abruptly.  I was fired for my lack of administrative skills.  I had the knowledge but not the experience.

     With the wise council of a friend I returned to what God had called me to, youth ministry.  The application process led me to a church in Manitowoc, Wisconsin.  They loved my little book, “Philosophy of Youth Ministry.”  My education had paid off; the white-collar leaders saw me as a professional.  In fact one of the first things the Senior Pastor told me was, “Paul you are a professional and I will treat you as one.”  In other words do your job well and I will leave you alone. 

     It was the golden age of ministry.  I structured an affective youth evening with the right amount of games, singing and instruction.  I began a ministry team of youth who memorized scripture, led small groups, and reached out to their friends.  I spoke to the questions that had plagued me so many years ago, and challenged teens to a deeper walk with Christ.  I was on the denomination’s youth council board and helped organize regional growth events and missions trips.  I spoke at retreats and taught seminars to other churches.  Yes, there were conflicts but I met them head on as a confident professional and consummate Youth Pastor.  Years later an Elder looked back and praised my ministry because so many had graduated and gone into the ministry themselves. 

     I wanted bigger and better.  Then one day a friend of mine (Youth Pastor of a large church and National Speaker) said, “I envy youth pastor’s in smaller churches.  I can draw in the large crowds, but they get to really disciple them.”  Stepping back I looked at what my hands had achieved and I felt empty.  It wasn’t that God wasn’t in what I was doing or achieving what His will desired.  It wasn’t that students hadn’t learned or walked more faithfully with Christ.  I had fallen prey to the cultural lie of a spiritual assembly line, pumping out disciples of Jesus who were good enough, but lacked the depth that would hold them through the fires of life.  The statistics say that 50% of teens walk away from the faith by the time they are out of college. 

The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. 2Tim. 2:2

     I am not saying that big churches are bad, but I would rather produce quality and not quantity, because in the end pouring my life into a few will pay bigger dividends.  That is what Jesus did.  The second reason I hate church is because its production mindset puts quantity above quality; numbers above people.  I hate it because in the end the ones it hurts the most are the ones who perpetuate its lie.  I’m just saying… (Continued).  

Why I Hate Church: Part Six

My college years were wonderful, and it accomplished what I had hoped.  I was prepared with the answers I was looking for, well thought out reasons that secured my faith on the ineffable word of God.  There were some rough patches adjusting to a conservative way of life after the freedom of a liberal university, but it was there that I renewed my faith and met the woman God had chosen for me. 

After college my first ministry was in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where I was a part-time Youth Pastor and part-time youth counselor with Youth for Christ.  Eventually I went full time with the church.  My wife and I settled into the new ministry, began our family, and set out to help teens discover the answers I had found.  While Bible College prepared me with biblical knowledge and theological grounding, it didn’t prepare me for the complexities of ministries; teenagers are unruly.

Surely my friends and I were nothing like this; we were focused on our faith, cooperative in our demeanor, and obedient to the word of God.  Yet, if the truth be told, the church hadn’t failed me, I wasn’t listening.  I came to realize how difficult it was to shape young lives into the god shaped people they were meant to be.  Culture fought against them, parents fought against me, and teens were often caught in the middle. 

I lured them with fun activities, challenged them with the Word of God, prompted them to go deeper and further, but after a year and a half I didn’t seem to be any further along than when I began.  I had hoped the Senior Pastor would mentor me, but he told me he didn’t have time.  Giving me a few ministry books from his seminary classes I was left alone to figure out the convolutions of ministry.  There were successes and there were failures.  Again I was placed in a crucible, but this time I was not alone.  My wife was a rock and I was grounded in my faith.  I faced the challenge the best I could and trusted God’s grace would do the rest.

When the Senior Pastor called me into his office I thought it was the usual meeting where we would go over details of ministry that he thought was pertinent to me.  He gently explained how he had tried to elevate my stature before the elders, but that no matter what he said they would only see me as a kid playing with kids.  That was the summary of my ministry.  He spoke of my education and the white-collar community that we lived in, and that if I ever wanted to make it in the evangelical churches of America I would need a master’s degree.  In essence he was saying, “Paul, you’re not good enough, and in their eyes you never will be. What you need to do is go to seminary.” 

I was devastated.  How could all the effort that I had put into this ministry so easily be dismissed because of my youth or a degree?  Yet, what other recourse did I have, so, with my wife’s support I applied and was accepted to Dallas Theological Seminary in hopes that God would lead us in the direction of His will and glory.  The Apostle Paul said to his apprentice,

Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 1Tim. 4:12

The church hires people as professionals, prepared disciples, who are expected to perform for the money they are given.  Any lack they may have is seen as a deficiency of education and needs to be corrected in the proper institutions, so that they can produce in accordance to the church’s expectations.  The church can be a safe place for lay people to fail, but not the paid staff, it is neither efficient nor productive.   In a very nice way the Senior Pastor had planted a seed, one that would grow and color my perspective and feelings of church.  This is the first reason that I hate church:  It has conformed to the image of a capitalistic production oriented, education based institution that sees its staff as employees who are discarded if they don’t measure up to the expectations of its corporate core.  I’m just saying… (Continued).