Why I Love Church: Part One

She was the smartest, prettiest, and most gracious girl I had ever met.  She also laughed at my jokes.  When I first met my wife we were in a freshman college class. Required to sit alphabetically she was the reluctant recipient of my affection.  There were days she came to class determined to ignore my charm and tenacity, but persistence won out.  Certain that I would receive a positive response I asked her out on a date only to be rejected.  My ego was wounded, but my determination was not diminished; I wore her down until she relented.  We had our first date, and we lived happily ever after.

            We had been dating for a while when, the week before the party (we didn’t have dances) where the girls asked the guys, she wanted to take a break from our dating relationship. There are differing accounts of this event, but the next week was excruciating for me.  In the end I was able to talk my way back into her heart, and a year and half after dating I asked her to marry me, and we lived happily ever after.

            Stepping off the plane I was wearing a tattered leather jacket, a British cap with an afro poking out from under it, painters overalls, and carrying a guitar case with the words “Jesus Saves” painted in bright yellow on its side.  When my wife’s father met me he greeted me warmly.  Over the next month I worked in his church with the teens and waited for his daughter to join us.  When she finally arrived her parents took her aside and asked, “Are you sure you want to marry this young man?”  And we lived happily ever after.

            We were engaged for a year and half, way too long for a young couple in love.  Our Bible College had strict rules that were difficult to adhere to, and we fought over their application.  There were ups and downs and I am sure moments where her parents’ question echoed in her ears.  In the end we planned our wedding, invited our guests, and waited with great anticipation for that special day.

            Looking back I can’t, for the life of me, understand why I picked baby blue for the color of my tux, but no one was looking at me.  When the music played and the congregation stood all eyes turned to the woman walking down the isle.  When I saw her for the first time, wearing the long white gown, approaching me with a smile that melted my heart, everything that happened in the past faded away.  She was a bride prepared for this moment, she was pure, she was dedicated, and she was giving herself to me.  When the vows were said, the promises made, and our commitment sealed with a kiss, I was the happiest man alive.  And we lived happily ever after.

 “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns. 7 “Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.” 8 It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.”  Revelation 19: 6,7

I Love The Church because it is the bride of Christ.  With all its imperfections it is the object of Christ’s affection.  He has made her holy and pure.  It is His death and resurrection that prepares her for the wedding day.  Life is not made up of “Happily Ever Afters”, but it is the testing ground of our faith and the preparation for the marriage of the Lamb.  When that time comes, when the church walks down the isle to meet her groom, all that will be seen is the glory of what God has done to prepare her for that moment.  The past will have faded, the tears will have been wiped, the pain will have been healed, and all sorrow turned to joy.  I love the church not because of what she is, but for what she will become in Christ.  I’m Just Saying… (Continued). 

Why I Hate Church: Part Eleven

           

           Expectations, we all have them.  We have expectations for our spouses, our children, our employers, and our friends.  Some of the expectations are realistic and others are unrealistic, but whatever they are they say that another person should live up to a certain set of standards to garner approval.  When those expectations are not met then people respond, and depending on the value we place on the relationship, respond in anger, frustration, disappointment, bitterness, hurt, offense, and even hatred.

            Recently one of my elders and I went to a district conference.  It was a one-day event centering on church growth, or rather the lack of it.  The church in America is in decline, and 50% of the pastors would chose another profession if they had a different skill set.  One of the reasons why pastor’s leave a church is the unmet expectations of their members, and either the church asks him to leave or the conflict becomes too great that he choses to find another ministry.

            Should members of a church have expectations of their Pastor? Yes, but the problem doesn’t lay in the right to have expectations, but rather the broad rang of expectations.  There are basically four types of Pastors: the pastor leader, the pastor teach/preacher, the pastor shepherd, and the pastor evangelist.  However, there is no pastor who embodies all these personas.  Yet, there are members in every church who expect the Pastor to represent them all, and if he doesn’t display the type of pastor they expect then they have failed. 

            And even if the church only expects the pastor to be a leader there are different types of leaders.  There are Inspirational leaders, organizational leaders, and relational leaders, and God doesn’t make every leader the same.  The same can be said of how a pastor teaches/preaches, shepherds, and evangelize.  The reality is that every Pastor will, and does, fail the expectations of their congregation.  The question isn’t if people will be disappointed, but when.

            Pastors also have expectations on staff and congregants, and it is important to note that Pastors can be just as unyielding in those expectations, which creates conflict.  The problem isn’t unmet expectations, but rather what we do with the inevitable disappointment.  The answer is Grace, the answer is Mercy, the answer is Forgiveness, and the answer is Reconciliation.  But instead of a biblical view of community the church exhibits a consumer mindset where the congregant is the customer (who is always right), and the Pastor is to supply what the consumer has paid for, and when he doesn’t they will leave for a church/pastor that will provide, or replace the pastor. 

Gal. 5:15 But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.

Eph. 4:32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

I hate the church because it has become a consumer-based organization where people pay (tithe) for services, and if they are not rendered according to their expectations they either cut and run, or run the pastor out the ministry.   The church is called to repent and restore, extend grace and forgiveness, and work together in love.  I’m just saying…. (Continued – Why I Love The Church).

Why I Hate Church: Part Ten

           When I left Manitowoc I believed it was the best thing for the church.  The constant strife between the elders and me was not healthy for the church or for my family.  I believed that God was calling me to an associate position where I could focus my strengths in small groups and discipleship.  Through a series of events my wife and I found ourselves in Houston, Texas.  The church seemed to be a growing and thriving fellowship where the small group ministry was multiplying quickly; or so I thought.

            There were five full time pastors, a full time facilities manager, a part time junior high pastor, a part time counselor, a bookkeeper, and two part time secretaries.  I knew things were not as they appeared when one of my first lengthy conversations with the Senior Pastor had to do with the ousting the Worship Pastor.  What lay beneath the surface was an ever growing division between long standing members, who were represented by the worship pastor, and the new people who joined under the ministry of the Senior Pastor.  I was in the middle.

            The staff was divided as well.  There were those like me who were brought in by the Senior Pastor, and those who were long standing members like the Worship Pastor.  The growing chasm resulted in a show down when the Senior Pastor announced a shift in his eschatology.  Those who wanted him gone swooped in and capitalized on the issue because it was a departure from the denominations theological position.  Though I didn’t agree with his new position it didn’t affect the gospel.  He hadn’t committed a moral sin, and his ministry had produced new believers.  In the end it came down to his ability to hold the church together.

            When they asked him to resign it tore the church a part.  Half the church left, and a church that sustained eleven pastors and staff was now forced to reduce it by eight.  And though I had warned them of the necessity of getting their financial house in order the Elders made some short sighted decisions that sped up the need to let eight of us go.  They let everyone go but the Worship Pastor, the Counselor, and the children’s pastor.  Eventually they hired a new Senior Pastor who came in and let the counselor and the Worship Pastor go to bring in his own people.

            To say the least it turned my world upside down.  I went through a sever depression and wondered if I could ever be in ministry again.  I pursued my doctorate thinking that maybe God would lead me into another venue.

Titus 3:9 But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and strife and disputes about the Law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.

Why can’t we avoid the foolishness of our selfish ambition?  I Hate Church because it turns leaders of good will against one another for reasons other than the gospel.  I’m just saying… (Continued). 

Why I Hate Church: Part Nine

            When church becomes a business and we hire professionals then we apply business practices to maintain the ministry.  A young man who grew up in my Youth Group had been called by God to enter the ministry as a Youth Pastor.  After a couple of positions in small churches he found himself back home.  We needed someone to oversee our children’s program part time, and I talked the congregation into letting me hire him with the promise that I would be his mentor.  The tone was set, however, when the question was raised to my ability to fire him if he didn’t perform. 

He was great with the kids, and on Sunday mornings they would run up to him and give him hugs and hold his hand.  What he didn’t do well was recruit and lead other adults in a growing children’s ministry.   I would give him assignments in the area of his weakness but he struggled with them and eventually defaulted back to what was comfortable.  In the end he just under performed.  I was feeling pressure from parents and the Elders 

and in the end I let him go.

Another staff member was hired to strengthen the administrative side of the church.  She balanced my weakness and was good at it.  She helped organize the deacons, took care of the facilities, oversaw the secretarial staff, and made sure that everything we did was legal and above board.  Yet, she rubbed people the wrong way because her default answer to requests was no, and when there was a financial shortfall it was easily decided that her position would be eliminated.  What hurt her the most was that I (or the elders) didn’t seek her input for a solution.  I think behind her statement was a willingness to work for a reduced salary until we were back on our feet financially.  I had said we were a team and in the end I treated her like an employee.

Worship is an integral part of Sunday morning and when I became Senior Pastor I sat with the lay worship leader to make sure that we were on the same page.  We had worked together before, but she was always in charge.  She was talented and the people she led loved her.  When we sat down I told her that if we were going to have conflict it would be over one thing.  She wanted a big praise team and I wanted several small ones – and I was the Senior Pastor.  In the end it drove us apart.  Instead allowing her the freedom to thrive with her vision I held to what I wanted and we had a parting of the ways, and it wasn’t pleasant.

I regret all three situations and outcome.  If I had it to do all over again I would fight for my team, my apprentice, my friends.  I do believe there are times to stand firm for ones ideas and convictions.  I believe that people who are living in sin should suffer the consequences of unrepentant hearts.  But none of the above situations fall into those categories and my leadership failed them.  

  

Rom. 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

From a worldly business perspective the outcome of each situation could be seen as the proper move, and I justified them as such.  I Hate Church because it turned me into something that I loathed, and I am sorry.  I’m just saying… (Continued).